you know you’re stationed in germany when…

I stole this from an army wife’s blog, who also stole it from someone else (it’s been floating around the internet). Anyway, I had to steal it because every one of these I relate to and thought maybe this would be a little insight into my life these past 16 months! They are all so true.

In no particular order:

  • you can never get ice in your drink
  • if you tell the waiter you want water to drink, you’ll get the fizzy stuff
  • you see a van full of about eight men in overalls looking like they just finished painting or doing construction, go get ice cream or grocery shop together
  • you start blowing your electrical items
  • you can’t figure out how to flush the toilet
  • you go into the men’s restroom, thinking “Herren” means “women”
  • your neighbors threaten to call the Polizei on you because you’re doing yard work on a Sunday
  • you get a ticket for washing your car on a Sunday
  • you’re doing 100 mph on the autobahn, and there are still cars passing you by so fast your car shakes or worse you feel like you’re standing still
  • you look out the window and the sun is shining so you throw on your shorts and favorite pair of sandals only to open the door and see that it’s raining heavily, so you go put on pants, shoes, a jacket, and grab your umbrella and open the door again only to see the rain has stopped and the sun is shining again
  • you get used to two very distinctive smells. One being the cow manure the farmers use to fertilize the field in your backyard, and the other, well, you know
  • when you go to the grocery store and find that you yet again forgot your plastic bags and have to put things in your car trunk one by one (or pay a hefty amount for their shiny new shopping bag)
  • when you are at the checkout, you realize you have to bag your own groceries and wonder why the clerk doesn’t give you back your change (they place it on a little tray or mat in front of you or the coins come flying down a little ramp)
  • you can’t figure out how to leave a store if you aren’t buying anything because of the Do Not Enter doors at the registers and entrances (We get trapped all the time!)
  • you have to buy six fans to keep cool
  • all life stops at 6 pm and doesn’t start again until 9 or 10 pm
  • You can turn three times and still be on the priority road
  • you see men wearing capri pants accompanied by sandals with colored socks….oh my…
  • even though a store sells expensive furniture or appliances, they don’t accept credit cards
  • you get stuck behind a “Fahrschule” (person in driving school, which costs thousands of dollars BTW) car and it takes you twice as long to get to wherever you were going
  • on a major road, you get stuck behind a tractor or some kind of moped that can go a maximum speed of about 10 kph. There is also a trail of like 50 cars behind you, also stuck!
  • the couple sitting next to you at a nice restaurant has their dog under the table
  • it costs more to telephone your neighbor than to call your family in the States
  • when 90% of the female German population has red or pink or orange hair in the front, and jet black in the back. (hello?! ambush makeover!)
  • when you try to go shopping at your favorite German store at 1 pm, only to find out they’re closed for the afternoon
  • Germany is a ghost town on Sundays, and you wonder where everyone went
  • when people cut in front of you in line like they don’t see you (I HATE that!)
  • when you first move into your home and you think the window is going to fall in on you when you crack it open
  • you never are quite sure whether you have the right-of-way at one of those crazy intersections
  • your kitchen appliances all look like they should be in a house for midgets (if you live off-post!)
  • you find a sex-shop adjacent to a children’s toy store
  • a value meal at McDonald’s costs about 5 euro (7 dollars?!?)
  • you can spot the Americans because they are the only ones wearing tennis shoes
  • you see German kids wandering the streets at 1 pm on a weekday since they only go to school half a day
  • they serve alcohol at all McDonald’s
  • It’s legal to drive your four wheeler on the autobahn
  • You must clean up after your dog but not your horse
  • You have to pay to use a public restroom
  • you miss your exit on the autobahn and have to drive for another 10 miles to get to the next one so you can turn around
  • you drive 50 miles in the wrong direction because there are no north/south, east/west signs on the autobahn
  • when using a public toilet you jump out of your skin because the toilet seat lifts up and rotates to clean itself after you’ve flushed
  • your off-post housing doesn’t have any closets; you have to buy/borrow wardrobes
  • you’ve gotten several speeding tickets but have never been pulled over by a cop
  • you go to the local Schwimmbad (or local swimming hole) and see naked old men
  • your big American car or truck doesn’t fit into any of the parking spaces
  • you see men carrying “man purses”; I think Germany is the origin of the fanny pack
  • you see that dogs and children are better trained than ours
  • you have to pay to use a shopping cart (and you get the money back after you take the cart back to the store)
  • you see most cars are stick shift and many don’t have AC
  • you realize most houses don’t have AC but the stores do

Do you have any to add?

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